...And you can quote me on that, just not in public.

These are quotes from me friends, enemies, and other people that simply walk through my lives and happen to say something interesting. I guess it's pretty much just a glimpse of what a conversation between me and my friend is like.
Some of these are probably quotes from other people but i give credit to the people for saying it in the situation.

"I lost my virginity, then somebody found it." -Shaina

"How can you trust me I keep my porn and my bible in the same drawer?"

"I'm not popular, I'm a slut."

"Fuck you" -Tommy Stixx
"No thanx I don't like toothpicks up my ass."-Cliff
"Then stop getting rim jobs from Italians." -Tommy Stixx

"I love you."
"I love you too."

"...It's for twelve and under. I was Twelve once." -Jean
"Who were you under?" -Lou

"I like to be able to say, I've never done any drugs in my entire life
but i whacked off at my uncle's funeral...
That fucks with people." -lou

"I could tell you but then your head would explode." -Brenden

"I just got some bitchin advice from my psychic! She says I'll find love."
-My high School Computer teacher(mr.russo), during an exam

-The answer my Geology 101 class always gave
when Dr.Bob asked "What do you see here?"

"Fifteen big huge guys are no match for a midget
with a machine gun."
-JD Jones Global Studies II

"I lost my phone number can I borrow yours."
"You're so hot you make my teeth sweat."
-2lines I've heard used on the same grrl in one night

"The biological urge of the camel
is greater then most people thinks
that's why when his obsession obsesses
he makes a B-line straight for the sphinx
now the sphinx's posteur oriphis
Is buried deep in the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx's inscrupible smile."

"I need a woman really bad..(turning to a girl with us)...
Are you really bad?" -me

"it's when you get the feeling the elevator's going down too fast."
-My Grandmother explaining the orgasm to her mother

"suck suck honey, blow's only an expression."

"It's not that i have anything against girl's going down on me,
it's just that my mother taught me if someone can't do something right
they shouldn't do it at all."

"So that's what i taste like?"
-Random girl after kissing my friend
Jerry after he went down on her

"Is it supposed to look like a penis?"

"I'm on to you."
-Something to say to random people

"Don't take life too seriously
your not getting out of it alive."

"Falling in love is a lot like falling off a cliff,
it's not the fall that kills you,
it's the sudden stop at the end."-me

"Parents are like bombs, you never hear the one that gets you." -chris mullen

"Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum viditur"
-Everything sounds more profound in Latin

"If I were to die right now, in the morning I'd be dead."

"Why put off to tomorrow what you can just never do at all."

"I wanna know where the smell in New York comes from."-me
"no you don't."-Alexis
"Mayor juliani burning all the homeless people." -erin

"I figured out what I want for Christmas.
I want an ego. Just a -little- one.
Cause I don't have any." -Alexis

"Ok maybe fate means me to lose this one but I'll kick that
rat bastard in the nuts before I go down." -mike after being told you can't fight fate.

is an art, Like everything else
I do it exceptionally well."
-Sylvia Plath on a friend's tombstone.

"After about three months the idiot gear kicks in. Always."

"I want Bubbles the Psycho goat for Christmas!"

"So then I shot him!"
-Me, shouted loudly in a public place

"I could throw you and blow you, before you could
flip me and stick me." -response I got from a girl when i was flirting with her

"if you can keep your head when all those about you
are losing theirs, you don't understand the situation." –grandma

“Everyday I go outside I make an ass of myself.
An when it’s not something I say or something I do,
I just have the bad luck to be seen with you. –chris mullen

“now granted…”
”I’m not sure how I feel about this.”

“Shawn, I want to tell you something.” –anonymous friend
”Just don’t tell my your gay *****” -me
First time a friend tried to come out of the closet.
ps. I was joking dude! Sorry.

“How did you finish two hours worth of dishes in fifteen minutes?!”
”I’m the KING!” –Jimmy

“Anarchy is not a system of government. It’s just a good idea”

“Is Shawn ever not drinking?” –apparently said many times to my friends

“He passes out sometimes.” –The response

“Fine then let me just bend over and massage my scrotum
while you cause a server panic then.” –Incognito

“Cybersphere is a role playing game with bad graphics. Life
is a first person shooter with decent graphics.
Your call.” –kingfox

“When I saw the Matrix the first time
and the kid started talking about chicken
tasting like everything else I started crying.” –tons

“I wanna roll to punish fuck her.” –Dick (playing a table top RPG)

“Well there was a good reason why I didn’t call you back.” –gay friend
”What was that?” -me
”Well me and (girl’s name)…”-friend
”You and (girl’s name) fucked?”-me
”Yeah. But know I definitely know I’m gay.”-friend

“you women are stupid” –me

"my mom doesn't taste like chicken"
-me in a drunken attempt to
defend my mother

"Hit the bole not the mike."
-Liz, trying to get Dick to shut up

"Turn on the news. Zero Day is here."
-Russell Sprague 9/11/01

"Your country is burning, turn on the TV."
-Random British kid on AIM 9/11/01

"Being smart is not the ability to think with your head
but the desire to think with you heart." -Drew

"This man has woman problems? I want woman problems."
-Observations on Louie
when he had beautiful women on his lap

"I am alone. Please let me forget."
-me, drunken note on friend's door

"Discordianism seeks to understand why women
go to the bathroom in groups and only tell you that you're
good looking when they're you're `friend'."

"I've got baby fat, that odvious has matured."

"I can run faster without the old lady"

"A woman's body is the devil's playground." -Laura
"Do you have a swing set in your crotch?!" -Me
"No but I have a few good slides." -Laura

"I'm not an asshole, I'm a ninja." -me

"I had the bitch whiff." -goose

"You need to find someone you like.
Because otherwise it's not really a relationship, you're just
standing a bit closer to one person than everybody else.
-Idaho Travis